pray

Six years before she was born, we had our third child delivered via c-section.  Our third c-section. A premature delivery by almost two months. I was a very sick mama with severe pre-eclampsia.  During this delivery, I also had my tubes tied. The final decision to have the tubal ligation was very last minute. Very hurried. Under duress. And not prayed over. My husband and I had always talked about having four children, but knowing it was a third c-section, feeling the weight of how in sick I was, and the reality of my husband leaving for another Middle East deployment, I felt rushed to make this decision prior to surgery.  I had thought about it during our pregnancy, but we had not had the time to properly decide if this was the right decision; to seek God's will together. Moments after recovery, I was overcome with regret and tears.  There are many more details, but fast forward a few years when our hearts, were still filled with regret. There was a remorse I felt over that decision.  There was an undeniable longing to have another child.  But it also felt impossible.  My husband and I began to pray fervently. In 2012, after an annual women's check up and the encouragement of my doctor, we decided to seek a specialist.  This was followed by many months of prayer seeking God's discernment and will.  We reached out to friends and family, asking them to come along side of us to pray.  We felt led to have a tubal ligation reversal surgery. I had so much sadness and distress from the decision made in 2009, that we felt this was the path God was leading us down towards healing and, if in His will, to have another baby.  In the fall of 2013, I had the reversal surgery. This was followed by months and months of fertility treatments which were not successful. In 2015, we finished our last fertility treatment.  We did not get pregnant; yet, we finally felt a peace I can't describe. We found joy, through all circumstances.  We had followed God’s lead and grown in Him through every step. It was the next month, that we got pregnant with this sweet, now 5 year old.  A miracle in so many ways. 

I share all of this tonight to encourage you. There are times in our lives, that God will put dreams and desires on our hearts that may feel impossible. Dreams that may seem crazy to the world. Dreams that can feel scary to even voice. Keep praying friends. Ask for God to show you His will.  Talk to people you trust, that are walking with Christ, and ask them to pray for you. I cannot promise that every dream or desire will be met, but I can promise you that through seeking and surrendering to Him, you will find His will and His purpose. God brings healing. He brings redemption. He brings peace. I have found that His plans are always so much more than I could  ever dream for myself.  God taught my husband and I so much about His faithfulness and love during those years. I would never change His story for our family and I sit in amazement  as I think about all that He has brought us through.  If there is a desire that keeps pressing on your heart, take it to Him.

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

sanctification in the mundane

“The little moments of life are profoundly important precisely because they are the little moments. We live most of our existence in these mundane, everyday moments. For every substantial life-changing moment, we experience ten thousand insignificant moments.
The beautiful thing about the gospel is that Jesus Christ offers grace for each of these little moments. The Bible doesn’t say, “His mercies are new once a year.” No, Lamentations 3:22-23 says, “His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning.”

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I loved this reminder from Paul Tripp, especially as we start a new year. Praying that all of us find grace in the everyday moments we live in. This is truly where sanctification takes place.

get outside

leading through action

A week ago we were able to use our voices in our country through voting. Some people are joyful and relieved with the outcome; while others are worried and anxious. This post isn’t to pick a side or share any political opinions that I hold. This post is something that has been on my heart over the last year. A year that has been filled with so many opinions. So much name calling. So many assumptions. At times, there was so much ugliness in our country that it was truthfully saddening. Many have become so judgmental if you see an issue from a different standpoint. They are no longer open to having real two way conversations. People somehow forgot in the process that everyone has a different life story. Everyone doesn’t fit into a box. We especially do not fit into a political box.

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The truth is we cannot depend on a leader, a friend, or even a family member to bring us the peace and joy that only comes in Christ. At some point, whoever leads our country, state, or city, will fail us. Our expectations and hopes will not always be met. We will let others down. Likewise, we will be let down. Yes, we got to use our voice to vote last week, but daily, we continue to have the chance to use our voice in our own homes. In our own communities. We have the opportunity and responsibility to demonstrate to our children what kindness and love means. As parents we have such an important role as we shepherd the next generation. And we cannot do this with just our words. We need to lead through action. What do our children see us doing daily? How do we treat others? Do we demonstrate grace, kindness and mercy? Do we show sacrificial love? Do we love like Jesus? How do our children see us react through hardship and struggle? Christ has placed each one of us in a home, in a community, in a neighborhood with such purpose and plan. What can you do to lead the people around you? What can you do to radiate the light of Christ ? Truly, so much starts right at home and in our own hearts. I am praying for so much right now, knowing the generations after us depend on it.

apples and sunshine

We visited the most beautiful apple orchard while in Blue Ridge last week. It wasn’t apple picking season but we were able to walk through the orchard and explore. Coming from the land of orange trees, this was a first for our Florida children. Thankful for new experiences.

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30 Days of Thanks Day 9

stillness together

My husband retired from the Marine Corps in 2018 after serving for over 24 years. During his time on active duty, leave time was very limited. He was deployed or training to deploy often. We lived states away from family; therefore, when he did have time off we were often traveling home to Florida to see our loved ones. This was when our children would see their cousins and grandparents. Family vacations, outside of going back home, were rare. This is one of the many reasons I cherish our trips together as a family.
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Last week we headed to Blue Ridge, Georgia to enjoy the mountains, colorful fall leaves, and time to relax and be still together. It followed a busy season for our family and seemed to come at the perfect time. We felt away from the world in many ways. Away from responsibilities and daily tasks. Away from worries and stress. Away from a lot of heaviness that 2020 has included. We felt so close to God and one another during these days. There was an undeniable peace that seemed to surround us all; even during a week when our country seemed to be filled with such anxiety. God’s sovereignty and presence were so felt.

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I realize with such clarity that time away as a family doesn’t come without sacrifice and choice. Yet, it is a choice I will advocate and sacrifice for always. I am often sad when these adventures end , but I’m grateful for the way this pause in time restores us. My cup overflows and I feel a renewed joy as we head into the holiday season. I pray to know and claim the same peace and joy we felt secluded in the mountains, during our daily life at home. God is our hope and our refuge. Whether it is an election year, a year with a world pandemic, a year filled with turmoil and tension and many unknowns. He is the same today and always. I’m praying to keep my eyes on Him. He is our “way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper. He is the Light in the darkness”. Lasting peace will never be found in this world. There will always be something/someone that will let you down if you are looking to the world to provide peace for you. Tonight, I pray that His peace and love will be felt by all as 2020 comes to an end.

fall festival

Tonight, we went to a sweet little town in Georgia to attend a Fall Festival. A storm went through the area the week before, which destroyed the crops, but we still had such fun as a family.

all four

As I see all four of our children together, I am overcome with gratitude. My husband and I always dreamed of having four children. Through miscarriage, bed rest and sickness, premature births, infertility treatments, four c-sections, and God’s abundant grace and mercy we are here today as a family. Praying that I will never take this season or my role as a mother for granted.
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Thirty Days of Thanks Day 5

peace

With everything that is currently going on with our country, I am grateful for a peace that only comes from my relationship and faith in Christ. Praying for so much right now. May His peace reach the many anxious hearts I know are out there. He is in control. Today and always.

teen years

When I was a young mom with small children at home, I often wondered about the teen years. What would they be like? Would all the fun be over ? Today, I am so thankful for the relationship I have with both of our teens. I often can feel nostalgic for years passed, but I simultaneously feel so much joy in the present. I love the fun we share, the laughs that overflow and the way our teens can always teach me something through their own voices of truth. Each day and each season is a blessing I thank God for.

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30 Days of Thanks Day 3

time away

Every year it feels like November 1st arrives and I am ready to sit still. To take a long deep breath. September and October are always full for our family with back to school, birthdays, soccer, and then ends with Halloween. And this year Halloween coincided with the time change. I felt extra tired all day yesterday. The last few weeks have been filled with beautiful memories and time with our children, but definitely a lot busier than normal. Today, we took off as a family and headed for the mountains for a week. I’m grateful for this time with just the six of us. Time, here, seems to slow down in ways it’s hard to articulate. That is something I cherish and know not to take for granted.

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30 Days of Thanks Day 2

simple joy

I will thank you, Lord, among all the people. I will sing your praises among the nations. Psalm 57:9
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It seems like as soon as Fall arrives the Holiday and Christmas rush begins. Unlike the message the world puts on this time of the year, I desire to take time to slow down. To rejoice in all things. To seek beauty in the mundane. And to celebrate this season of gratitude. In years past I have done different projects to challenge my heart and creative side alike. From journaling to capturing the 30 days with thanks. This year, I challenge you to join me. 2020 has been a hard year for many. May we all take time to end this year with gratitude, appreciation and love for the gifts God has given us through it all.

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Today, I share a simple moment of joy our four year old found in helping me in the kitchen. Getting to stir the soup brought her such happiness. Don't miss the little moments. Excited to see what you also find this month to celebrate. Tag me as you do, I'd love to follow your journey!

30 Days of Thanks Day 1

halloween

you matter

Recently, I shared some thoughts about how this place has changed over the last eight years. So many of you reached out and commented. You are feeling it too. Some frustrated and want to quit. Others feeling defeated and not enough. And others scared to even put themselves out there. So many of us have felt this ebb and flow of emotions. And more than ever I remind you to really think about your why. Why you are here. Why you share. Why you even create.

I want to share these words from a favorite author and book of mine, A Million Little Ways by Emily P. Freeman:
“Just because you can’t fully live your life the way you so long to live it doesn’t mean you don’t fully believe it’s possible with all your heart. And it doesn’t mean you are forbidden to share what you’re learning unless you’re living it perfectly. Christ is in you and wants to come out through you in a million little ways - through your strength and also your weakness, your abilities and also your lack.

I call it art, someone else calls it rubbish. So what? Call it what you will. God calls us his poem. And the job of the poem is to inspire. To sing. To express the full spectrum of the human experience - both the bright hope that comes with victory and the profound loss that accompanies defeat.”

Remember, friends the world needs more authenticity. More real. What you have to offer matters more than you realize.

fourteen

Happy 14th birthday to this boy of ours.

As I look back on this year, one thing I will never forget is that it felt like he was changing overnight; every single day. We suddenly saw less little boy, and began to see the beginnings of a young man. I love the way he still asks to go on errands or ride in the car with me. Or the way he will quietly sit by his sisters and I while we watch Hallmark movies (even though he is not interested in the movie at all). It’s a gift to know that he still seeks to spend time together; to find that one on one quality time. I will never take this for granted. I pray I will always be an open ear, be humble and wise with advice and point him back to Jesus when he confides in me. I pray that we will continue to make each other laugh, to talk about hard things, and to learn day by day together.

.I am so thankful for the way he completes our family alongside his three sisters. I thank God that our daughters get to grow up beside him. I believe his role is so important as one of the first male companions in each of their lives. I am grateful for the way he displays a protective love, gentleness, and respectfulness for his sisters. I am thankful for the way he loves them and the unique relationship he has with each one of them.

.My husband and I continue to pray for these years ahead. This world is full of so much, that can be so hard. Many temptations, choices and life lessons. I pray he will continue to seek Christ first and to never forget His grace covers all. Finally, I pray he knows with all certainty that we will always love him unconditionally We are so thankful for him and so proud of the young man he is becoming.

Share your light

This post is for the artist, the photographer, the author, the designer, the small business owner, the teenager, the mother that is sharing some piece of your life in this space.. all of us came to this place at some point to share a part of us.  For some it is our creative hearts.  Others our words. For some our work.  For many it’s a place to share life.  I’ve been here for eight years.  I started with a just a few friends following me and sharing snapshots from my phone.  That evolved into sharing my photography journey and words from my heart. This place provided a community of artists and mothers who became friends. We encouraged each other and have watched our families grow through these squares.  

I know many of you have similar, yet unique stories.  One common thing I continue to hear is this platform has changed.  It’s not what it used to be. It’s sadly become a placed filled with a lot of negativity.  It’s not so much a creative and uplifting hub as it is a mix of advertising, selling and propaganda. It’s a business that’s being run by algorithms that I have no idea how to keep up with.  And truth be told, have no desire to.  What I know is these algorithms have changed things around here.  I know I don’t see half the people I follow in my feed and only a super small percent of my following actually sees what I post.   Like many of you, I’ve seen my interaction and likes plummet.  And while I am not here to be affirmed through likes, I’d be lying to say that seeing this decline hasn’t caused me to question my art. I have struggled with this. For some, you are questioning your business. For others it may be your writing.  Social media has programmed us to feel like interaction and likes validate our work in some obscure way. It has made teenagers second guess posting their favorite memories with their friends if they don’t have the aesthetic quality to be seen. They are growing up in an online world carefully orchestrated to give off whatever “image” they decide they want the world to see.  And then you mix in the dreaded algorithms. Even if we wrongly let likes affirm our work; they will never be an accurate assessment of anything.  Do we even know if people didn’t like our posts or did they not ever see it? I was recently told that the more active you are, the more your posts will be seen.  Do we really want to encourage our children or even ourselves to be online even more?  I’ve set time limits for myself. I want to pick real life interaction over scrolling.  I also value the community I’ve known here over these years and don’t want that to be gone when I am active.  

I’ve had so many thoughts and questions about all of this the past year or more. I don’t have answers. Yet, I know so many of you are feeling this too.  More than anything I want to encourage you. Whether your platform is thousands or the children at your kitchen table. God has given you something to share with this world.  I know this can feel frustrating when you have bravely put yourself out there.  Please, don’t let likes or lack thereof define you.  Moreover, please don’t let it stop you from creating from your heart. My husband often reminds me that there may be one person that needed to see or hear what you share and you may never even know. Remember, someone may need to hear your failed motherhood story.  Someone may need to see the Joy you shared with your friends. Someone may learn through that hard journey you endured. We all have something to bring one another.  

Be authentically you.  Create what stirs in your soul. And if you release it, do so without any expectation. I think the ultimate question we all have to ask ourselves is our why? Why are we creating, working, writing?  Why are we sharing? If we are here only for validation or affirmation, this place will never fill us.  It can’t.   Our worth and our identity can only be rooted in Christ. But, if we share our gifts, our talents, our stories and our lives with Him and through Him for His glory, then suddenly all the algorithms and all the negativity fades away.   We have purpose.  Keep shining your light friends.  In the unique way God intended.  

pumpkin season

at soccer practice

Midday McCafe Treat

passion

Her drive for soccer is fueled from an undeniable love and passion for the game. She’s played this sport since she was four and has learned so much about life from her experiences.

I know many people have had negative exposure to youth sports and we have seen our share over the years. Children chasing dreams that were never really their dreams to chase. Coaches who have stolen the love of the game from their players; who lack leadership and role model characteristics. And players with bad attitudes, lack of work ethic, and a sense of entitlement.

Evenso, the positive far outweighs these negative aspects. We are grateful for the life lessons she has acquired from this game. Overcoming adversity, stepping into new and uncomfortable situations, sacrifice, and hard work. Facing fears, perseverance, and team work. Her team has always given her another family that she loves unconditionally. She has learned to dream. To push herself. To go beyond what she thought were her limits. All of these lessons are such lifelong gifts that have helped her become the young lady she is today.

Finally, God has used this sport to grow her relationship with HIm. She has found both strength and humility in Christ. She has learned that her identity does not come from soccer or anything of this world, but that it comes from Christ alone. Our prayer is that He will continue to use her gifts and passions for His glory and that she will continue to experience this love for the game.

We will always encourage her and help her chase HER dreams and goals. A year ago, she was unable to kick a ball as she was preparing to have ACL reconstructive surgery. As I watched her training over the weekend, my heart overflowed with gratitude. To see her joy as she returns to the sport she loves. To see her confidence and strength begin to be restored. It was such a reminder of God’s faithfulness. He is always good. In the valleys and on the mountains and everywhere in between. Her return to this sport is a long road and I never want her to forget to celebrate each step.