An afternoon at the pool and making pumpkin cookies. October in Florida.
After many rainy days and weeks in Florida, we finally had a beautiful afternoon.. We went on a photo walk and I loved watching her explore and play in the sunshine.
At almost fourteen, we have seen him grow and change so much over the past year. I love seeing the young man he is becoming. I love these everyday moments we get to share together at home.
I have been nostalgically looking over old photo books the past few weeks. Our two oldest daughters are 5 1/2 years apart and our youngest two daughters are six years apart. As we look at photos we are aware of how similar they look at different ages. I decided it would be fun to recreate some of these old images. This is one of those. I adore this age of four. It brings so much curiosity, pretend play and joy for life. Time is fleeting; yet these images of today will always bring us back to this age and moment in such a beautiful way.
You can see the original images taken in 2013 of our middle daughter here.
She has mostly only worn dresses since she was born. The last few months, she started showing interest in wearing shorts and tshirts. I surprised her with a new pair of jeans and she was super excited. I love the little years and the joy and wonder that surrounds this time.
In 2014, I started an everyday photo project called The Joy Project. You can read about the project here. For years, I captured the everyday life of our three children. At the time our children were 4, 7, and 9 . Through the Joy Project, I also took time to reflect on the beauty of these days at home with each of them. The beauty found in the mundane.
Today, we have four children ages 4, 11, 13, and 16. I continued this project for years, but over the last few years I stopped shooting daily. I stopped sharing daily. Life with two teenagers, a tween, and a four year old is undoubtedly busy and full. During the past decade, I’ve seen social media interaction ebb and flow. It was once a place filled with many artists encouraging, inspiring and challenging one another. A place of authors sharing their words and heart. A place of community. Social media was the place to be and the life of a blog slowly died. Social media has changed since those initial years. It’s still filled with beautiful artists and writers, but you have to dig through so much negativity to find that inspiration. And then there is also the algorithms and business side of social media. I’ve felt the pangs of interaction dwindling. I’ve felt the pressure of creating something amazing each time I share. I’ve felt the insecurities as “likes” have drastically declined through the years. I know I am not alone in many of these feelings.
2020 has been challenging in many ways. The world seems like such a dark place right now, yet, I still believe there is beauty to find everyday. I believe God’s light is ever present, we just have to keep seeking. To be aware. This year, I have decided to bring back The Joy Project; my daily project to find the beauty in the mundane. I was going to start again November 1st as I have often enjoyed shooting 30 days of thanks or other gratitude projects in November. But, I realized there was no better time than today. My desire is to start shooting daily again and to resume posting to my blog. To capture the everyday details of life with our four children. I am certain that there will be days I miss and I will offer myself grace when needed. I realize more than ever that these days are fleeting. I don’t want to pick up my camera in hopes “of the world loving my images.'“ I want to pick up my camera to tell the story of today. I want to do this as an artist, but moreover, I want to do this as a mother. My prayer is that I will look back on these stories and see how Christ grew each of us through this season together. My prayer is that we can all begin to see more light than dark.
For my fellow artists and mothers. Don’t forget your why. I think somehow many of us lost our why and forgot the true love we felt when we began creating. These stories matter. I can only imagine one day there will be something different than what we know social media as today. Your following, likes and interaction will cease to exist, but the images you leave as a legacy for your family will be a last for years to come. Finally, the true gift comes as God shows you the light through the details of the mundane.The gift of seeing His beauty in the everyday is my prayer for each of you.
“Do it afraid.”
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Yesterday, I came across these words and I can’t stop thinking about them.
So often my prayer has been to be fearless. I worry, I hold back, I don’t act because of fear. But what if instead my prayer became to “do it afraid”?
As I look back on my life and all the times I did “do it afraid”, my mind overflows with stories lined with amazing grace. Stories where God’s presence was undeniable. Stories of abundant love. Life will undeniably bring fearful situations our way. What are we missing by sitting stagnant in that fear?
Is there a decision you need to make? An opportunity waiting? Is there a conversation you need to have? An answer you need to find ? Is God calling you to something or somewhere ? Whatever it is. Whatever we face, I pray that in these days ahead we can all remember to “do it afraid”. Let’s make the choice to really lean on Him. To trust Him to catch us if we fall. To trust Him to give us wings. To give us anything and everything we need.
And may we inspire our children to do the same.
As we head into 2018 my heart overflows with gratitude for the days, the moments we leave behind. God is always working on each of us. In 2017, He continued to teach me so much about myself and others.
Over the weekend, my husband and I were in the car talking. My eyes filled with tears as I vulnerably shared with him. God has opened doors; doors I never dreamed about. Opportunities that I am so grateful for. He has also asked me to lay things down. As I look around, I see people doing awesome, amazing things. Unintentionally, I begin to compare our paths. I can feel like I am not enough. Yet, God reminds me every single time that I am right where I need to be.
As I shared out loud with my husband, it was so eye opening, so freeing to say the words. While yes, success and affirmation from the world can feel great for a brief moment; nothing compares to following God’s path. It is always covered with grace, mercy, and infinite love.
As I follow Him, my focus becomes so clear. Slowing down and being intentional with our family has brought such peace and abundance. Having space in our days; margin in my own schedule to be still, to enjoy motherhood more deeply, is something that is truly unrivaled.
As we begin a new year, my prayer is that I will never forget to keep Him as my compass.
Thank you for being here, for sharing your authentic and raw stories with me, time and time again. This community is such a gift. Never stop being YOU and don’t forget you aren’t alone.
Happy New Year! .
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“Here I am
All my intentions
All my obsessions
I want to lay them all down
In Your hands
Only Your love is vital
Though I'm not entitled
Still You call me Your child
God You don't need me
But somehow You want me
Oh how You love me
Somehow that frees me
To take my hands off of my life
And the way it should go
God You don't need me
But somehow You want me
Oh how You love me
Somehow that frees me
To open my hands up
And give You control
I give You control”
-tenth avenue north
A couple months ago she quit sleeping in her crib. We fought it at first; trying cry it out, trying to lay next to the crib, trying to nurse her to sleep and then lay her down in the crib. Nothing seemed to change her mind. It was almost as if she was afraid to be in it. She is our fourth, yet this was a first.
So, in desperation for her to get some sleep and for me to do the same, she began sleeping in our bed. It wasn’t what we had planned, but it worked. Part of me, deep down, feared what people would think (how silly ). And part of me worried how we would transition from this (even though having three older kids, I KNOW they don’t stay or come to your bed forever).
Time has passed and she is still sleeping in our bed. As I was laying with her at nap time the other day, I thought about all the ways I really love this time. While we didn’t plan to have her sleep in our bed, most nights, my heart overflows with gratitude as I feel her snuggled next to me. I love feeling her little hand on me. I love knowing she is sleeping so peacefully. And I know this...it won’t last forever. Instead of worrying about what will come next, I’ve decided to really enjoy this NOW because these days truly are fleeting.
Life doesn’t always go the way we plan. It doesn’t always look the way we envisioned but if we can somehow let go of those expectations a bit, we will enjoy right NOW so much more. We certainly (and I am saying this to myself the loudest) do not need to worry what others are thinking about us. If they are judging our decisions. Finally, we don’t need to always worry about what is next. With our children, with our careers, with our health; with whatever.
I want to stop striving so much; and instead rest with the peace of God. I want to be right here, in today, because it is a pretty special place to be and I sure would hate to miss it.
As we head into the New Year, I am challenged to live life with more courage; which honestly, equates to having more faith. To trust God. With the big. The small. And everything in between. Whether this means being brave enough to start those hard conversations or trying something new or uncomfortable. I know God is asking me to get off the sidelines. To take a chance. To be brave. .
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In less than two months, I will be traveling to speak at @clickawayconference , an annual photography conference hosted by @clickinmoms . I am so humbled by this opportunity and super excited for this chance to meet so many other women in this industry; many friends that I have only known online until this event.
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In complete transparency, I must also add that I am super nervous. I thrive in small groups, around tables, connecting one on one. The thought of getting on stage in front of a large group is a bit intimidating and way out of my comfort zone.
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As I prepare for this speaking event, I can't help but think of our oldest daughter. Over the last few years, I have seen her step out in faith as she walked into uncomfortable situations. I have seen her face fears, in search of dreams. I have seen her lean on God in ways that continue to make me reexamine my own faith.
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What a gift He has given me in this girl of ours. To remind me daily that there is so much more to be experienced in life when we let go and trust Him.
The days following Christmas are some of my most favorite. We’ve made bath bombs, lip balm and lotions. We’ve play-doughed and LEGO-ed. We’ve painted and baked. We’ve watched movies and stayed up way too late. We’ve slept past nine and stayed in our pjs past lunch. We’ve spent afternoons by the lake and picked up take out for dinner.
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There has been in and out flow of family and friends gathered around our table and our sofa. Laundry is piled as high as the ceiling and the house has looked like a tornado hit.
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Truthfully, I can’t think of a better way to end the year. I hope these moments and days stay close in their hearts forever.
I think it would be so hard to be a teen today. .
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I have struggled often in life with confusing affirmation for love. Likewise, not feeling like I am enough when there is a lack of affirmation. At 42, I still have to pray to God, to remind me that His approval, His love is the only one that truly matters.
Today’s teens face a myriad of social pressures to fit in, to feel loved, to be liked. Yes, social pressures have always existed but with social media’s these pressures seem tenfold. The reality of feeling left out, feeling not enough, feeling lonely are a screen away. Alternatively, social media can give a false sense of love and acceptance through likes, shares and comments.
While our daughter is not on social media; it doesn’t make her immune to the challenges of this generation. I wish I knew some way to make this time easier.
My best advice to her, to all teens is to be confident in who they are. The teens that I know are talented, smart, artistic, creative. They are athletic, strong and brave. I pray they each know how special they are. That their worth doesn’t come from a friend or stranger on Instagram or wherever saying they are awesome, hot or accepted.
God created each of us uniquely with purpose. We must look to Him for direction. For love. He accepts us always JUST as we are.
I want our daughter to know that real friends are true gems. They are people that will always be there for you. They aren’t your “bestie” one day; while not knowing you the next. I hope she never fails to remember that she is beautiful for her heart and the person she is; not because of what she wears or how she looks.
I want her to know, that yes, this is an important time of life, but so much of what seems important now will fade quickly in the future. Real relationships, mean so much more than being invited to every get together, every party. Having people that know you, the real you, beyond the surface, is a true and rare gift.
Most of all I want her to know that she is infinitely loved and accepted unconditionally. These truths are steadfast. They will never change. Our love for her is unwavering.
Yesterday, she officially turned two.
With each passing year, with each child, birthdays remain to be a time of such mixed emotions. It’s such a joy to celebrate life and growth; yet, the mama in me wants to slow the years as I cherish these days and stages so much.
From the teen who texts me to say I will be her best friend forever to this little one yelling LOB YOU in the sweetest, loudest voice....and everything in between. Life is certainly precious. So each year, admittedly I take time to mourn, to let go of what has passed. To promise to never forget all those small details. And then I am sure to seek all the beauty I can find right where we are.
Today, I was reminded how beautiful two is as she ran to me with wonder and joy...flower, flower, she said. And gave me the sweetest of gifts.
Last year, for her first birthday, I carefully planned each detail including her cake which I custom ordered from a cute little local bakery. This year, we bought a box mix and baked her cake together. I think it will be a new tradition. Why do we sometimes try so hard, when simple can be so special?
When she was born on Christmas night, I remember the doctor and the anesthesiologist both making comments about her having a Christmas birthday. From that moment on, the mama in me vowed no matter how busy the Christmas season is, we would make sure her birthday was celebrated. That her special day was never forgotten.
This year, we decided to keep our celebration for her simple. We would just have family over and enjoy a cake together. My husband and I both come from families with four siblings. As I looked around the house tonight my heart overflowed. Cousins were everywhere. 17 cousins were all together. Aunts. Uncles. Grandparents. Family filled all of our spaces.
With every year that passes, I cherish these memories more and more. Generations together. Sharing old memories and making new ones. She may not remember this night years from now, but I know I will forever.
Christmas is only 3 days away. Years ago, I would have been stressing because we didn’t send Christmas cards out. I would be upset that zero gifts are wrapped. I would be analyzing all that I had not done. All that we had not done.
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Yesterday, the kids were doing the daily Christmas countdown. They all agreed how sad they would be when Christmas was over. How they loved this season so much.
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In those moments I was reminded what matters most. We can’t do it all. Whether it be Christmas or any other season of the year. This Christmas season we chose being together. We chose lots and lots of messy baking. Singing Christmas carols every chance we got and watching way more Hallmark movies than I should probably admit.
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I love that they love this season. These daily memories we shared over the last month celebrating Christmas will be some I treasure the rest of my life. Yes, motherhood with these four children is a fleeting season, but moreover LIFE itself is fleeting.
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Each day is a gift and tomorrow is never promised. Christmas season or any season, I never want to “stress out” so much over life that I miss out on living it.