Six years before she was born, we had our third child delivered via c-section. Our third c-section. A premature delivery by almost two months. I was a very sick mama with severe pre-eclampsia. During this delivery, I also had my tubes tied. The final decision to have the tubal ligation was very last minute. Very hurried. Under duress. And not prayed over. My husband and I had always talked about having four children, but knowing it was a third c-section, feeling the weight of how in sick I was, and the reality of my husband leaving for another Middle East deployment, I felt rushed to make this decision prior to surgery. I had thought about it during our pregnancy, but we had not had the time to properly decide if this was the right decision; to seek God's will together. Moments after recovery, I was overcome with regret and tears. There are many more details, but fast forward a few years when our hearts, were still filled with regret. There was a remorse I felt over that decision. There was an undeniable longing to have another child. But it also felt impossible. My husband and I began to pray fervently. In 2012, after an annual women's check up and the encouragement of my doctor, we decided to seek a specialist. This was followed by many months of prayer seeking God's discernment and will. We reached out to friends and family, asking them to come along side of us to pray. We felt led to have a tubal ligation reversal surgery. I had so much sadness and distress from the decision made in 2009, that we felt this was the path God was leading us down towards healing and, if in His will, to have another baby. In the fall of 2013, I had the reversal surgery. This was followed by months and months of fertility treatments which were not successful. In 2015, we finished our last fertility treatment. We did not get pregnant; yet, we finally felt a peace I can't describe. We found joy, through all circumstances. We had followed God’s lead and grown in Him through every step. It was the next month, that we got pregnant with this sweet, now 5 year old. A miracle in so many ways.
I share all of this tonight to encourage you. There are times in our lives, that God will put dreams and desires on our hearts that may feel impossible. Dreams that may seem crazy to the world. Dreams that can feel scary to even voice. Keep praying friends. Ask for God to show you His will. Talk to people you trust, that are walking with Christ, and ask them to pray for you. I cannot promise that every dream or desire will be met, but I can promise you that through seeking and surrendering to Him, you will find His will and His purpose. God brings healing. He brings redemption. He brings peace. I have found that His plans are always so much more than I could ever dream for myself. God taught my husband and I so much about His faithfulness and love during those years. I would never change His story for our family and I sit in amazement as I think about all that He has brought us through. If there is a desire that keeps pressing on your heart, take it to Him.
“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18