us

There are all kinds of excuses to NOT get in the pictures with our kids, but I am trying to focus on all the WAYS I can.

The kids and I were sitting on the bed in awe of her precious giggles. Our 6 year old was filming it all with the iPhone and I quickly handed my camera to our 9 year old son. This has become my way of getting "in the frame". I've taught him and our oldest daughter a bit about focus and composition. I set the camera settings (since I always shoot in manual) and I give the camera to them.

Kids LOVE to be involved and they love to learn. They love seeing they can create art too. They have even started to come up with their own ideas on composition. It's been so fun to watch them grow more able and confident behind the camera.

I am grateful, as always, to the group of ladies behind this project. They are always inspiring me and encouraging me to keep documenting that "I was there too."

http://www.whereveriamwithyou.com/

4 months

This sweet babe is four months old today.

It was a little over a year ago we thought our trying to conceive journey was over. We prayed and left it at His feet. We were at peace knowing we had been blessed with the family God had given us. I mourned but I trusted in His plan. The next month we would find out we were expecting. Not with fertility treatments, timing, or medicines. All by the grace of God. His plan, His timing, Always perfect.

Everyday I spend with her I am more aware of how perfect His timing is. She came to us all not a day too soon and not a day too late.

loved

She's so loved.

I was alone giving her a bath and got so excited to see she was finally relaxing and actually happy. Bath time has not been her favorite time. It wasn't long before all three of them were by her side. I love how they love her.

watching. contemplating. and jumping.

Afternoons on the lake with our cousins are always fun. 

squishy toes and big sister smiles

love these baby days so much. 

twelve

Each birthday is bittersweet. The years seem to fly; each one seems faster than the one before. We savor the days together, but time is something all too precious that cannot be slowed down. 

She feels it too now. She is in no rush to grow up. I love that about her. I am starting to see glimpses of what she will be like as a woman; now in this space between child and adult. 
She feels with all her heart and is full of compassion. She is grace and teaches me daily more than I ever dreamed. 

I pray she will continue to seek God, to lean on Him always. 

So grateful for this girl and the day I became a mama twelve years ago.

taking it all in

Yes, my love, you will be with them soon enough. Let's enjoy every minute of you right here by mama.

trust

At 11 years old, she is wise and mature beyond her years; yet she is in no rush to grow up. I love the conversations we have as she is getting older. Last night, she came to my bed, where I was still awake tossing and turning. It was one of those nights that I had let worry get the best of me.

This has been a struggle for me most of my life. Worrying about the "what ifs" , that most often never present themselves. Worrying about the "hows" and "whens" of life. Not fully trusting in God and His plan; trying to find a way to control things myself. I know His truths and His love, but so often I give in to my own fears and anxiety.

My husband and I are open to our children about the weaknesses we struggle with. We want our children to see that God can overcome all. Last night, as we lay in bed, I shared with her all that was on my heart. I told her how I was praying for peace and that I wished I didn't worry; especially about some things that seem so silly. She held my hand and then shared with me the most beautiful words. There was a peace that came over me and I knew that God had used her to speak to me in that moment.

Today, I read these words from Francis Chan. "Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives."

If you are someone that also struggles with worrying and fear, my prayer is that we will all remember our God is big enough for any worry we have. For any trial we will face. But, more than that, let's not forget that He loves us just the way we are. He created us, so who better to understand all that we are facing than Him? In all openness and transparency, this is easier said than done for me at times. My prayer, is to believe it and live it.

their connection

Something special is starting between them. I continue to learn so much mothering our four children. Being from a big family myself, I had no idea all my mom did to make us all feel loved. And sometimes no matter her efforts, I selfishly wanted more. Oh, the grace I know now. Had I only known it then. So many nights, I sit in silence feeling like I wasn't enough to them. Feeling like I've somehow not given one of them enough of me. God reminds me that He will fill any gap I can't . I wasn't made to do this on my own. I was made to love and that is all they need. He will give them the rest.

complete

She has only been with us three months, yet in many ways it feels like she has always been a part of us. She filled spaces I didn't know were empty. She brings a feeling of joy I have yet to find words to describe. I had a longing for this precious life for so many years. I am so grateful for the waiting and the time we spent to get here. Grateful for the way God brought her to us in His time. Not a day too soon. Not a day too late. His timing. He taught us a lot about His plan and His grace in those years of waiting. I wouldn't change anything about our journey to this moment. Every single step was an important one. Every step paved the way to this. And my heart is so full of gratitude.

painting pumpkins at sunset

perfect day for a picnic

"The soul and the schedule don't follow the same rules"
-emily p. freeman

We woke up this morning and decided it was a perfect Florida day for a picnic. We got dressed, packed our lunches and off we went. We left behind a messy kitchen, unmade beds, and school work. The kids fed fish, rolled down the hills, and had races across the lawn. I won't act like it was filled with perfect bliss. They fought over who got the most bread to feed the fish, everyone always wants to win the race, and no one is ever ready to leave; but, it was perfectly imperfect. It was just what we all needed. 

I am thankful for the lessons I have learned over the years as a mother; lessons I continue to learn. In our home, schedules are very flexible and two days rarely look alike. I've learned to embrace this. To try to live in these moments. There's something so amazing in the simplicity of just being together. I want to cherish these fleeting days of their childhood and continue to embrace spontaneity whenever we can. It really is good for the soul. 

Life is Messy

There's no way around it; life is messy. 

I believe the more years I live on this Earth, the more accepting and embracing I am of this truth. I slowly want to let go of this "everything is beautiful" image and hold strong to the fact of how beautiful broken truly can be.

It's more than a beauty we see with our eyes and more than a beautiful picture we capture with our camera. It's a beauty that is only felt. A beauty we feel day by day as we live in these spaces of life; learning, failing, growing, and rejoicing in the moments we do see success. It's beauty we find in the mess as we shut the door to the world, crying and wondering if we will ever get it right. It's a beauty we feel as we let our hearts become vulnerable and believe that God loves us right where we are today. 

Months ago I read these words from Matt Chandler and today, I am once again reminded of this truth. “God doesn’t love some future version of you, He loves you now.”

So many of us have lived with these chains for many years. Lies that hold us down, telling us we aren't good enough. We don't do enough. We aren't enough. And no we aren't enough on our own. WE NEVER WILL BE. But with Christ, our messy days, our messy lives, can become something extraordinarily beautiful. With HIS grace and HIS love, we are made new every day. And for this I am grateful. 

I pray each of us can be vulnerable enough, confident enough; to let each other in to our messes. This is where I believe we will all find true beauty in our lives.

sisters dance party

Sharing a room when you are five years apart in age can some days present challenges. BUT then there are days like this that I walk into their afternoon "dance party" and I'm so grateful for the memories and moments they experience sharing this space. So thankful for the bond I see between them.

where is my piggy bank

stir crazy on a rainy day

rainbow promises

I captured this image this week with my phone one afternoon after a quick rainstorm we had here in Florida. I always love how rainbows remind me of God's grace and presence.

Last week one afternoon I was having a bit of a pity party. I had been fighting a virus for about a week and then I sprained my ankle while out in the rain getting groceries. At almost 6 months pregnant, I just felt defeated and tired. I was having trouble seeing the "rainbows" in my life and was focusing more on all the negative.

And then I listened to a sermon from Matt Chandler. It was from a series entitled Recovering Redemption, How Christ changes everything. Matt said, 

" Don't begrudge the difficult days. Don't hate them. God is working in the mess.--He will never lay on you what He will not bare up with you"

It's amazing how much I needed to hear those words at that exact moment. It's easy to believe them when everything is going right, but sometimes in the midst of trials we need the reminder. We need to hear that we have not been forsaken and that there is purpose in every single trial.

I am reminded once again of James 1:2-4
"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing."

Yes, these times of trials...they are when I am growing the most. Not in the easy days. These days are filled with God seeking moments; bringing me closer to Him. And for that, I find joy. I am grateful for His rainbows all throughout my life, reminding me I am never forsaken.

she marches to her own beat

friday's recess

his love of football

Over the past year he has become so passionate about football. He loves to get up early and watch old games before we start school each day.